Happy Easter!

The Vigil mass has excited me (to the n^th energy state :P)

I am both the reader and the cantor tonight!

Neither being the reader for Vigil, nor doing it with English has made me nervous. I have been a reader for years! It is when I realized just 30 minutes before the mass that father has sent me the wrong reading yesterday. Grasping the pronunciation of the unfamiliar biblical names in such a narrow time did make me a little nervous. Coincidentally, the theme of my reading was “The Lord will Provide”. I couldn’t help but laugh, how amazingly God is providing me with such comfort to go ahead! 

But that’s not that worried me. I would have never pictured myself singing solo without music in front of people, let alone a crowd. I was also the cantor for one of the psalms tonight! I was literally super nervous and kept reciting the melody over my head.

Yes, I made it! 

Then I am suddenly aware of my feeling, that I feel good when I think I am doing “better” than others, and I feel bad when I felt I am doing “worse” than others. 

It is the “comparison” that made me feel low, inferior and unconfident. 

Yes, I admit that I always make comparisons in my head. I feel extremely incompetent when I saw people achieving so much better than me. I would question myself how come I could not reach that height that people pass through so easily. 

There were people who praised me. Yet, when I found myself could not achieve what peers have done, I felt so low and unworthy. I admired people who have great achievements, but I just could not accept myself as being so incomparable to them. 

Tonight, I suddenly realise, it is the “Comparison” that have drawn me down.

We all have our own unique story and we are not created to compare.

"God saw how good it was." (Genesis 1) He did not even say it was good because light is better than dark. 

He did not make any judgments, so why am I here judging myself?

Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir.” Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you.” (John 8:10-11)

Thanks for raising my awareness to “comparison” this Easter. 

Hope that I could really “resurrect” in this Easter!

"We will run and not grow weary, for our God will be our strength, and we will fly like the eagle, we will rise again.” - We Will Rise Again by David Haas